This is the last time I'm moving my shit around the blogosphere. For real.
If I have to somehow reinvent myself because I've been duped into thinking certain people are trustworthy...hell, even WORTHY...only to be disappointed, I'm going back to the old-fashioned fucking journal.
Maybe this will give me time to find a fucking pen I like. I'm not journaling in pencil. And although a BIC will do in a pinch, my plump hands certainly don't pine away for a pen that comes in a pack of 20 for a buck at the Dollar General. I'm a pen snob. So be it.
If I have to somehow reinvent myself because I've been duped into thinking certain people are trustworthy...hell, even WORTHY...only to be disappointed, I'm going back to the old-fashioned fucking journal.
Maybe this will give me time to find a fucking pen I like. I'm not journaling in pencil. And although a BIC will do in a pinch, my plump hands certainly don't pine away for a pen that comes in a pack of 20 for a buck at the Dollar General. I'm a pen snob. So be it.
Here's the latest blather:
How is it that I have good judgement (or so I'm told) yet continue to put forth more trust to people who either manipulate, misuse, or muck it up? For real.
I'd like to say that I'll take a hard line and make people prove themselves beyond a shadow of a doubt, but my gut says that's not going to happen. I think my failure to shut out those who drain me is due to a serious crack in the veneer that is my (sometimes black and hardened) heart: I'm a fucking helper. I help. Support. Love. Believe. Do.
I'm a doer to the point that I sometimes lose myself while focusing on others.
While I'd like to change this ick about myself, it's not going to happen overnight. Sometimes I think I'm meant to be Miss Caretaker, but I learned a lesson long ago from someone who attempted to repoint the mortar and bricks of my life:
If I don't learn how to take care of myself, I'll be lost in the dust.
I've shared that lesson (well-meaning do-gooder, I am) with plenty of people over the years.
Now it's time I revisited the lesson and did something with it.
How is it that I have good judgement (or so I'm told) yet continue to put forth more trust to people who either manipulate, misuse, or muck it up? For real.
I'd like to say that I'll take a hard line and make people prove themselves beyond a shadow of a doubt, but my gut says that's not going to happen. I think my failure to shut out those who drain me is due to a serious crack in the veneer that is my (sometimes black and hardened) heart: I'm a fucking helper. I help. Support. Love. Believe. Do.
I'm a doer to the point that I sometimes lose myself while focusing on others.
While I'd like to change this ick about myself, it's not going to happen overnight. Sometimes I think I'm meant to be Miss Caretaker, but I learned a lesson long ago from someone who attempted to repoint the mortar and bricks of my life:
If I don't learn how to take care of myself, I'll be lost in the dust.
I've shared that lesson (well-meaning do-gooder, I am) with plenty of people over the years.
Now it's time I revisited the lesson and did something with it.
